he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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