she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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