I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
