Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
