im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
