this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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