In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
