My balls are so social today.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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