i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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