Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
