hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
