Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
