So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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