I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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