After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
