your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
