If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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