# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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