Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
