I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
