In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
