Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
