Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
