Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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