He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
