Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
