but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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