Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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