I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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