omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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