No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
