I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
