Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
