Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The air was thick with penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
