i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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