I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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