i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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