Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
