yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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