Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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