She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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