There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
