dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
