I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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