Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize