Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
COCAINE IS GR8
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
