I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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