Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it glows. i had to have it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize