Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.