i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.