Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
