"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
