I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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