...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
