Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
