Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
