OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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