i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
