I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
