i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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