how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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