Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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