she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
