i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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