he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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