I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
