i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
