I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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