It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And then he peed in my hair
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