I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
