totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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