Your dad touched me again.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
