I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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